Mental Institution Patient's Examination

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.

"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim".

I'm the groom

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"Officer," the man began, "I can explain."

"No explanation needed!" snapped the Officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

The man tried again. "But Officer, I have to tell you something."

"Just keep quiet! You're going to jail and I'm not interested in what you have to say!" the Officer barked.

A few hours later the Officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."